1
00:00:01,390 --> 00:00:07,409
What will I do when you are far

2
00:00:07,410 --> 00:00:12,650
away and I am blue?

3
00:00:12,870 --> 00:00:18,589
What will I do when I'm alone

4
00:00:18,590 --> 00:00:24,890
with only dreams of you?

5
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:47,599
So far this week I've had a gas bill,
one from the electric and the car

6
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,650
insurance.

7
00:00:48,651 --> 00:00:51,719
Sometimes I feel like I'm running just
to stand still.

8
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:52,770
You are.

9
00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,100
I ain't told Daryl a call.

10
00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:58,640
I mean, he's got enough on his plate.
But it ain't easy, Dorian.

11
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:02,699
I went up Sainsbury's yesterday and
nearly went into shock at the checkout.

12
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,990
Why, did someone offer to pack you
shopping?

13
00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:09,600
Do you know what a box of tea bags costs
today?

14
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:15,079
No, but then I don't know what a box of
tea bags costs. I haven't had intimate

15
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,440
contact with a teabag since Marcus
introduced me to Earl Grey.

16
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:24,020
But all you have to do is flash your
plastics and Marcus picks up the tab.

17
00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:26,020
These are not plastics.

18
00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:29,480
I mean your credit cards, not your
frockney bits.

19
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,260
Oh, I see.

20
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:33,660
Well, of course Marcus picks up the tab.

21
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:37,099
I'm sure Daryl would pick up your tab if
he didn't have his hands full of

22
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,900
mailbags. He's not doing mailbags no
more.

23
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:44,619
He's reproofing Sam Westers for like...
Well, as long as it's creatively

24
00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:45,670
fulfilled.

25
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:47,860
There's plenty of swap.

26
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,170
Oh, yes, there is.

27
00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:54,670
Actually,

28
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:08,899
and I don't want this going beyond this
gym, I don't have any credit cards to

29
00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:09,950
flash at the moment.

30
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,480
What, someone pinched her?

31
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,629
Yes. But Marcus hasn't told the police.
He said the thief is spending less money

32
00:02:15,630 --> 00:02:16,680
than I was.

33
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:21,829
Really? No, Tracy, it's a joke. Oh,
because he's got to smack the truth

34
00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:25,070
it. So what's really happened to your
flexible friends, then?

35
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:29,189
Marcus has instituted an economy drive
and locked all my cars in the office

36
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:32,550
safe. The business is going for a slow
patch, you see.

37
00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,000
Really? Yeah.

38
00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,860
We're even talking about getting a
cheaper car.

39
00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:41,330
Tracy, I've just had a brainwave.

40
00:02:44,179 --> 00:02:45,560
selling Daryl's Jaguar?

41
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:47,780
You know what?

42
00:02:47,781 --> 00:02:49,719
Well, it would solve both our problems.

43
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:53,079
You'd make some ready cash, and we'd
have a car we know has been treated with

44
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,079
kid gloves, if only to prevent
fingerprints.

45
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:59,579
When Daryl was sent down, he made me
promise to keep everything exactly as it

46
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,839
was. Well, why do you think I'm doing
all this bending and thrusting?

47
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,659
Well, it was just a thought. I mean, you
hardly ever drive it. And when Daryl

48
00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:09,919
gets out, you can imagine the insurance
he'll have to pay as a professional bank

49
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:10,970
robber.

50
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,440
I could smell four sweaty armpits.

51
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:24,970
What are you doing down here, Doreen? It
ain't your room, Shane.

52
00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,200
Don't annoy me, Sharon.

53
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:29,870
Here, Trace.

54
00:03:29,871 --> 00:03:33,539
You'll never guess who I see getting out
of a brand -new sports car at the

55
00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:36,499
parade. You're right, I'll never guess,
but you might as well tell me.

56
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:37,780
All right, spoilsport.

57
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,770
Lisa.

58
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:41,970
Lisa Rowe.

59
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,580
What's she doing round here?

60
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,240
Earning a packet.

61
00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:56,379
So I thought, seeing as we're a bit
short, I'd ask her how she's doing it. I

62
00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:57,700
imagine how she's doing it.

63
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,640
She ain't working horizontal no more.

64
00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:03,740
She's in the perfume game now.

65
00:04:03,741 --> 00:04:08,399
Judging by the niff in here, I brought
her round in a nick of time.

66
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,920
What? You brought her round?

67
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,550
She's in my house.

68
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,520
is every encounter is an opportunity.

69
00:04:21,959 --> 00:04:27,099
When you go up Tesco's, flog some to the
checkout girl. You get on a bus, flog

70
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,150
some to the driver.

71
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:33,180
You go down to Bingo, target all the
grannies. And once you've got a

72
00:04:33,181 --> 00:04:35,179
you get them to flog it to their
friends.

73
00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:36,230
Piece of cake.

74
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,500
Relax, Tracy, I ain't Nick Nothing.

75
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,730
There's nothing you've got I can't
afford.

76
00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:45,220
I pulled down five big ones last week.

77
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,810
And you still find time to settle that
burden.

78
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,659
of shames of my past, so I went with men
to pay the rent and feed me kids. Don't

79
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:55,860
everyone? No.

80
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:58,200
Anyway, you didn't pay the rent.

81
00:04:58,420 --> 00:05:00,500
He was on rent strike like the rest of
us.

82
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,480
That's all ancient history.

83
00:05:02,481 --> 00:05:04,419
Now, do you want to get rich quick or
not?

84
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:05,470
Of course we do.

85
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:09,390
I just don't see Aisling cheating. Then
shut up and you might learn something.

86
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:14,739
Right. Let's suppose in the first month
you sell four large bottles of

87
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:18,200
Aromantique at £3 .28 profit a bottle.

88
00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:21,280
You'll make... £13 .12 profit.

89
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:23,870
That's a hell of a way from five grand a
week.

90
00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:25,720
That's only month one.

91
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:29,859
Now, in month two, you don't only sell
four bottles, you recruit two new

92
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,940
distributors who also sell four bottles.

93
00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:33,760
And then we make five grand.

94
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,840
And then you make another £13 .12.

95
00:05:38,039 --> 00:05:42,579
Wow. Get the smelling salts, Shell. A
lot of people lose their enthusiasm

96
00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:43,419
month two.

97
00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:46,700
Oh, we won't. Not with over £26 a show
for our show.

98
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,140
This is where it gets exciting.

99
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:50,920
You excited, Shell?

100
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:52,540
Wetting myself, Tracey.

101
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:58,819
Because you make commission on
everything your recruits can flog and

102
00:05:58,820 --> 00:06:01,119
their recruits can flog and everything
their recruits can... Yeah, yeah, yeah,

103
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,770
we get the general drift, but what does
it amount to?

104
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,160
Let's just say...

105
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:11,539
With my network of recruits, I can make
20 grand a month without getting out of

106
00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:13,420
bed. So no change there, then?

107
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,280
I've given you enough chances, Tracy
Stubbs.

108
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,840
Oh, no, hold on, hold on, Lise. Don't
listen to her. I'm game.

109
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,040
I didn't say I wasn't interested.

110
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,500
All right, we'll give it a bash.

111
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,630
Congratulations, you've just made a life
-changing decision.

112
00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:35,760
What does this gear actually smell like?

113
00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:37,860
What's that got to do with anything?

114
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:45,579
Yes, it does smell remarkably like your
favourite perfume, doesn't it? And at a

115
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:46,660
fraction of the price.

116
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:51,720
So you too can feel sensuous and
desirable without breaking the bank.

117
00:06:51,940 --> 00:06:56,080
Breaking the bank? You'll never guess
what I just did to the postman. You

118
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,140
I didn't crush his circulars.

119
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,900
I only flogged him some aftershave,
didn't I?

120
00:07:02,901 --> 00:07:04,559
What, out of magic books?

121
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,360
Yep, it was brilliant. I just said,
morning, Peter, what's your favourite

122
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:12,519
And he told me, and I told him not to be
such a cheeky little beggar, what was

123
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,200
his favourite aftershave I meant.

124
00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:19,079
And he said, and I said, don't you think
this one is very reminiscent of it? And

125
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,399
he said, yeah, it is, as it happens,
after I explained to him what

126
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:27,479
meant. And I said, what would you say if
I told you you could have 100ml of

127
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,860
this? For the price of 25 mil or that.
Yeah. And he said, nah.

128
00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:32,270
And I said, yeah.

129
00:07:32,271 --> 00:07:35,679
And he said, leave it at. And I said,
straight up, do you want some?

130
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,090
And he said, do you mean the aftershave
or what?

131
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,140
And I said, what?

132
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,550
And he said, I'll see you tonight. And I
said, I'm a married woman.

133
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:44,900
And then he bought some.

134
00:07:45,180 --> 00:07:47,290
The big bottle, there and then, paid
cash.

135
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,180
See, I told you, Trace.

136
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:50,530
Lisa was right.

137
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,920
We are going to be two rich bitches.

138
00:07:53,870 --> 00:08:00,539
What are you doing here? We were
supposed to meet outside Rumbelows.

139
00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:03,610
Well, I finished early, so I thought I'd
come and soak me feet.

140
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,620
But... But I didn't take me key.

141
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,010
Well, why not?

142
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,340
Because I thought we was meeting outside
Rumbelows.

143
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,640
Get a grip, Trace, get a grip.

144
00:08:19,141 --> 00:08:21,659
So, how'd you get on then?

145
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:24,180
Oh, not bad for the first time, Matt.
You?

146
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:25,730
I had a...

147
00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:27,780
An interesting day? Me too.

148
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,260
Very eye -opening.

149
00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:32,250
There's a lot to this selling game, you
know.

150
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,250
Yeah, well, you mustn't expect to run
before you can walk.

151
00:08:35,419 --> 00:08:38,009
Not that I expect to be able to walk
again this month.

152
00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:43,340
So, how much to get rid of, then?

153
00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:45,209
How do you mean?

154
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:50,299
I mean, how much Aromantique did you
part with in exchange for cash or

155
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:53,130
under £50 supported by a valid cheque
guarantee card?

156
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:56,059
Look, it ain't just a case of taking
orders, Shell.

157
00:08:56,060 --> 00:08:59,839
Like the handbook says, you've got to
build up your territory, do your market

158
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,520
research, develop your contacts.

159
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:02,740
That's the opposition.

160
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,880
You didn't sell any, did you?

161
00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:07,320
I'll put it like that.

162
00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:09,260
I got rid of all of mine.

163
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,340
All of it? How did you manage that?

164
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:13,910
I flung the whole stinking lot into the
canal.

165
00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:15,710
You never.

166
00:09:15,711 --> 00:09:16,799
I did.

167
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,700
It was a complete waste of time.

168
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,570
I must have gone into 50 shops and
offices and didn't get a single tickle.

169
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:23,890
Not even in Lovecraft.

170
00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:25,810
Oh, Sharon, the canal.

171
00:09:26,270 --> 00:09:29,910
Yeah, well, make the fish feel sensuous
and desirable, won't it?

172
00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:31,490
Lisa, go bar me.

173
00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:32,760
Oh, tough tippy.

174
00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:35,430
I didn't flog any.

175
00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:37,230
She's saturated, Chigwell.

176
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:40,670
The bank, the pet shop, do her, do it
all.

177
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,620
I knew we should never have trusted that
flag.

178
00:09:43,970 --> 00:09:45,470
What do you mean, you knew?

179
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,450
It was you what talked me into it.

180
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,540
I see Lisa's clothes and that car. I
mean, you can't deny she's done all

181
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:56,070
Trace. Oh, of course she's done all
right. She was in on the grand floor.

182
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,370
But we were on the top floor and the
lift broke.

183
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,170
And now what?

184
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,800
Oh, don't ask me.

185
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:05,019
Back to square one, I suppose, with a
stack of outgoings and not enough

186
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:08,540
incomings. Not exactly back to square
one, Trace.

187
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,480
Oh, blimey.

188
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:14,360
That's another 300 quid a month.

189
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,200
Where am I going to get that from?

190
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,840
1988 Jaguar, 18 ,000 miles.

191
00:10:21,841 --> 00:10:25,819
Yeah, I know it's below average, but my
husband hasn't been getting out much

192
00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:26,870
lately.

193
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,820
Yeah, air conditioning, leather seat,
derio, all the bits.

194
00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:33,030
Right, I'll hold.

195
00:10:33,031 --> 00:10:36,419
I thought you were going to try and flog
it to Dorian. I am, but I'm trying to

196
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:38,650
find out what it's worth. Yes, I'm still
here.

197
00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:42,800
Right, and you'll put it on for 20k ono.

198
00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:45,470
20k, no?

199
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,220
Ukraine's our nearest offer.

200
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,120
Oh, right you are, then. And it goes on
the computer straight away?

201
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,170
Great.

202
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,280
Me credit card number. Hold on.

203
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,680
Tracy asked me to pop in for coffee.

204
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,540
Must be a whole new experience for you,
Dory.

205
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:08,960
Getting invited round.

206
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,400
Lovely. Thank you. Bye.

207
00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:18,940
Oh, glad you could pop in.

208
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,170
Fancy a coffee?

209
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:24,479
Is it real, or is it freeze -dried and
you try to fool your guests by imitating

210
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,020
a puking cat while you boil it?

211
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:29,470
Might as well ask.

212
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,530
Lovely.

213
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:39,940
Tracy, Sharon, I hope you don't take
this amiss, but people are talking.

214
00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:41,590
I know.

215
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:45,070
People have been talking for nearly a
million years.

216
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:49,889
distinguishes us from the higher eight.

217
00:11:49,890 --> 00:11:51,130
That and file of faxes.

218
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:56,110
What exactly have people been talking
about, Dorian? People are talking,

219
00:11:56,111 --> 00:11:59,789
about two of our neighbours hawking
cheap scent round Chigwell like a couple

220
00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:01,870
gypsies. Who's doing that, then?

221
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:06,129
Nothing wrong with gypsies. I like
gypsies. Well, so do I. They're very

222
00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:10,249
picturesque. They make wonderful
violinists and very skilful scrap metal

223
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:14,629
dealers, but in Chigwell... Oh, you're
so stuck up. Just because we don't make

224
00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:17,460
people pay through the nose for fancy
packaging... Tracy?

225
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:19,130
Remember the handbook?

226
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:22,550
Aye. Lesson one, don't antagonise the
customer.

227
00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:27,230
Customer? Oh, I see. You want me to buy
some.

228
00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:30,100
Oh, why not? Order me a bottle for my
mother.

229
00:12:30,101 --> 00:12:31,469
Oh, right.

230
00:12:31,470 --> 00:12:35,009
Which one? It doesn't matter. She had a
slight stroke three years ago. Now she's

231
00:12:35,010 --> 00:12:36,060
got no sense of smell.

232
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,430
The perfect punter.

233
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:40,880
Oh.

234
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:46,350
So, how's the car running going?

235
00:12:46,910 --> 00:12:48,290
We've seen nothing we fancy.

236
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:53,530
Have a bite, Aunt Dorian. Oh, very nice.

237
00:12:53,950 --> 00:12:55,050
Thank you, Tracy.

238
00:12:57,570 --> 00:13:02,689
Dorian, I suppose you're hoping that
Tracy will change her mind about selling

239
00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:03,529
you the jag.

240
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:04,830
Sharon, you're psychic.

241
00:13:05,590 --> 00:13:07,010
Must be me gypsy blood.

242
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:10,220
Change me mind about selling you the
jag.

243
00:13:10,430 --> 00:13:11,480
Wonderful.

244
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:14,210
But you were so adamant. I know, but you
were right.

245
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:17,159
He will want a new car when he gets
back, and it's silly just letting it

246
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,650
dust. Yes, and of course the mortgage
interest rate just went up again.

247
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,570
£15 ,000.

248
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,080
What? We'll give you £15 ,000 for the
car.

249
00:13:25,081 --> 00:13:27,739
Computer car said it's worth at least
£20 ,000.

250
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:31,050
Yes, but they don't know it belongs to a
convicted felon, do they?

251
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,110
You know where the door is, don't you,
Dorian?

252
00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:42,579
It's that large opening at the end of
the hall, slightly smaller than your

253
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:43,630
mouth.

254
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,220
She's got some neck.

255
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:55,430
Hello.

256
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:57,410
Yeah.

257
00:13:58,460 --> 00:13:59,510
Yeah.

258
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,450
Yeah.

259
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,290
Yeah.

260
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:06,130
See, the Beatles are getting back
together again now.

261
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,519
Look out for a car just like it. Come
on. Where are we going? Outside. I'll

262
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,660
wash, you can wipe.

263
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:28,460
Mrs Stubbs.

264
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,050
It's me.

265
00:14:30,220 --> 00:14:31,660
I've come about the Jaguar.

266
00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,270
Oh, great.

267
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:34,700
Blimey, that was quick.

268
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:37,120
She's only just put it on the computer.

269
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:38,940
It's a lovely car.

270
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,320
Yeah. We'll be heartbroken to part with
it.

271
00:14:41,321 --> 00:14:43,339
Not that we've got to sell it, ain't I?

272
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:47,140
Oh, we haven't got to sell it. It's just
that we're a Ford with a colour ratio.

273
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,480
Now, the price is no problem if it's the
car I want.

274
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,620
Well, computer cars said it's worth at
least 20 kronos.

275
00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:58,470
Now, if you could just pull the bonnet
release for me.

276
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,340
Ah, you got me there.

277
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:05,279
Look, I know this makes me sound like a
right donk, but the boot and the bonnet

278
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,460
are a mystery to me. Yeah, I'll get it.

279
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,800
You know.

280
00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:19,230
First borrowed a jag once.

281
00:15:19,690 --> 00:15:20,950
Oh, we said he borrowed it.

282
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:24,340
Then why did he spray it and change
another plate the next day?

283
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:31,200
That seems in order. Do you have the
registration document?

284
00:15:31,201 --> 00:15:31,849
Oh, yeah.

285
00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:32,900
There's that shell.

286
00:15:34,950 --> 00:15:36,250
Here. Thank you.

287
00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:42,000
Oh, I see your husband registered a care
of a pier box number in the city house.

288
00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:43,490
I'm sure he had his reasons.

289
00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:45,280
Not to worry.

290
00:15:45,281 --> 00:15:48,429
If I could just take it for a test
drive. Yeah, yeah, of course, help

291
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,660
Oh, I'd better check my bike fits in the
boot.

292
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:52,680
Well, I'll do that.

293
00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:54,020
Thank you.

294
00:15:56,570 --> 00:15:57,710
Oh, isn't that clever?

295
00:15:57,711 --> 00:15:59,549
It's good, isn't it? It's really clever,
isn't it?

296
00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:00,730
Here, you get the wheel.

297
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:02,720
My fingers.

298
00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:03,800
Yeah.

299
00:16:03,890 --> 00:16:04,940
In you go.

300
00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:31,060
Yeah, I know it's been repossessed.
That's what your underling said.

301
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,300
Yeah, but how does me sister get it
back?

302
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,560
Oh, right.

303
00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:38,170
Gotcha. Thanks very much. Bye.

304
00:16:39,270 --> 00:16:40,320
Well?

305
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:42,090
It's back in the showroom.

306
00:16:42,690 --> 00:16:46,429
You can have it back by the end of the
week if you pop along with 18 fares and

307
00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:47,229
dim reddies.

308
00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:48,280
Doddle.

309
00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:49,830
This is the last straw.

310
00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:52,490
I might as well go upstairs and slash me
wrists.

311
00:16:53,230 --> 00:16:54,610
What with? Your lady shave?

312
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,060
Calm down, Tracey. You ain't on Kilroy.

313
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,480
Oh, ain't you got no sympathy?

314
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,500
No, I'm too angry for sympathy.

315
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:09,300
And so should you be.

316
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,920
I mean, what sort of husband is he, your
Daryl, eh?

317
00:17:12,921 --> 00:17:17,179
Any decent villain would have stashed
away some moody money for his wife and

318
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:17,879
loved ones.

319
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,220
Oh, no, I'm not sure, old man. He didn't
even pay cash for his car.

320
00:17:21,980 --> 00:17:23,840
Are you sure this house ain't rented?

321
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,260
Cheek. No -one pays rent here.

322
00:17:26,660 --> 00:17:28,400
Though one of us might have to start.

323
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,000
What's the point?

324
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:35,630
You're wasting your breath.

325
00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:37,410
Maybe, but what have I got to lose?

326
00:17:38,470 --> 00:17:39,710
The sight of one eye?

327
00:17:50,090 --> 00:17:51,140
Hello.

328
00:17:51,390 --> 00:17:52,440
You want something?

329
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:56,620
I hope you don't mind me asking, but
what's your favourite perfume?

330
00:17:56,670 --> 00:17:57,720
You what?

331
00:17:57,770 --> 00:17:58,970
Your favourite perfume.

332
00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:00,590
Are you taking the piss?

333
00:18:00,591 --> 00:18:05,189
No, I just thought that you might be
interested in a perfume that smells

334
00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:08,440
the same as your favourite, but less...
Now, listen, you stupid cow.

335
00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:12,729
I have to go without fags to find the
fare to visit my old man here. I can't

336
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:14,670
afford soap, let alone poxy perfume.

337
00:18:14,671 --> 00:18:20,149
Sorry, I didn't mean anything. I've seen
you here, showing out week after week

338
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:23,829
with your flash clothes and your
jewellery and your streaky hair. What do

339
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:25,150
know about going without?

340
00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:26,660
She knows.

341
00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:27,860
She's...

342
00:18:30,659 --> 00:18:33,140
I've said me stories, haven't I?

343
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,770
They are.

344
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,540
Right, you lucky people.

345
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:46,360
Howe, Walker, Jenkin, Fowler. Come on
down.

346
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:52,560
Pierce, Greenwood, Stubbs, Scargill.
Some relation, I hope.

347
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,050
Theodopolopoulos.

348
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,040
Mrs. Theodopoulopoulos.

349
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:02,590
Present.

350
00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:06,199
I must say, you don't look like any of
the photos your old man's got over his

351
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,920
bunk. Fair enough.

352
00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:11,130
You don't look like none of the blokes
I've had in mind.

353
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:13,590
Coming in, then.

354
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,120
Thanks. I only come to keep my sister
company.

355
00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:18,850
Your old man's going to be really cut
up.

356
00:19:18,851 --> 00:19:22,519
Yeah? Well, you tell me who's doing the
cutting and I'll send him a thank you

357
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,570
card.

358
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,290
I'm making a guitar in woodwork.

359
00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:34,010
Yeah? Yeah.

360
00:19:34,011 --> 00:19:38,029
It's slow going, mind, because they keep
all the tools blunt for security

361
00:19:38,030 --> 00:19:39,080
reasons.

362
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:40,880
You all right,

363
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:43,610
Tracy? You look a bit off colour.

364
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,400
No, I'm fine.

365
00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:48,540
When I've finished it, I'm going to take
lessons.

366
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,210
You changed your perfume?

367
00:19:52,630 --> 00:19:53,970
Yeah. Do you like it?

368
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:55,240
No, it's horrible.

369
00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:56,980
Thanks.

370
00:19:56,981 --> 00:20:00,639
No, I don't mean it's horrible. It's
just... You know I hate you changing

371
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,420
things. I know, but I'm trying to make
some money, Daryl.

372
00:20:03,421 --> 00:20:06,119
Yeah, you haven't forgotten my cigar,
have you?

373
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,180
No, of course not.

374
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,730
What's this?

375
00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,270
Where's my Havana?

376
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,060
Do you know how much they cost?

377
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,760
It's only one a fortnight.

378
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:23,410
This is pathetic.

379
00:20:23,411 --> 00:20:27,639
I mean, you can't imagine Winston
Churchill saving the Empire with one of

380
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,110
pitiful little things stuck in his gob,
can you?

381
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,240
They say size isn't everything.

382
00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:33,940
Half bloody half.

383
00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:37,780
I'm sorry, Dale, but money's been very
tight lately.

384
00:20:37,781 --> 00:20:39,579
I look forward to a good smoke.

385
00:20:39,580 --> 00:20:40,720
Everything's going up.

386
00:20:40,721 --> 00:20:43,559
The mortgage rate's gone through the
roof, so I don't suppose you'd notice

387
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:44,640
living in here in free.

388
00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:46,030
Tracy!

389
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,550
If only you'd put the money aside for
me.

390
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:54,980
It's all in the house, Tracy.

391
00:20:55,140 --> 00:20:56,360
Well, I can't find it.

392
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,660
No, I mean, it's all tied up in the
bricks and mortar, isn't it?

393
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,220
When we sell, we'll be millionaires.

394
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,360
Are you saying I should sell?

395
00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:09,839
Over my dead body. That house is for
when I get out. It's an investment for

396
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:10,719
middle years.

397
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,639
I ain't going to have no middle years if
I don't get some cash soon. I'll be

398
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,799
dead of starvation. Don't you think
you're going a bit over the top? No, I'm

399
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,760
not. I'm thinking, Daryl.

400
00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:26,560
And he'd go after his school fees.

401
00:21:26,780 --> 00:21:30,330
No way are you taking him out of public
school. I suppose that gold watch.

402
00:21:30,340 --> 00:21:32,630
Oh, not the one I gave you. No, the one
I gave you.

403
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:36,420
And then there's the jag.

404
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:39,650
Oh, no.

405
00:21:39,651 --> 00:21:42,359
Don't tell me you're flogging me jag.

406
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,520
No, of course not.

407
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:44,880
Oh, thank God for that.

408
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:51,180
Tracy, you must never, under any
circumstances, sell my Jaguar.

409
00:21:57,130 --> 00:21:58,690
What am I supposed to do, Daryl?

410
00:21:59,690 --> 00:22:04,329
Look, all right, I wasn't going to tell
you this, but as it happens, I do have a

411
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:05,710
nice little wad tucked away.

412
00:22:06,510 --> 00:22:08,550
What? Then why haven't you never said?

413
00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,490
I was keeping it for an emergency.

414
00:22:10,710 --> 00:22:12,130
Daryl, this is an emergency.

415
00:22:13,610 --> 00:22:14,660
Yeah.

416
00:22:15,030 --> 00:22:16,080
All right, I suppose.

417
00:22:17,050 --> 00:22:18,100
So where is it, then?

418
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,980
You know I don't take sugar.

419
00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:35,160
It's good for shock, isn't it?

420
00:22:35,161 --> 00:22:38,799
Yeah, but not as good for shock as being
told your old man's hidden 25 grand in

421
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,870
the spare tyre of his Jag the day after
it's been repossessed.

422
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,420
Look, it ain't all bad, Trace.

423
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:48,320
You owed 18 grand on it, so you're only
really 7 ,000 out of pocket.

424
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,600
Oh, so that's all right then, isn't it?

425
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,740
I mean, fancy hiding money in a car you
ain't even paid for. It's criminal.

426
00:22:56,980 --> 00:22:58,600
Well, he is a criminal, isn't he?

427
00:23:00,021 --> 00:23:01,969
Hold on.

428
00:23:01,970 --> 00:23:03,770
Hold on. All is not lost.

429
00:23:04,610 --> 00:23:09,269
Why don't we mosey on up to the garage,
ask to look inside the spare wheel, and

430
00:23:09,270 --> 00:23:11,430
bingo. Three years for receiving.

431
00:23:12,270 --> 00:23:13,320
Oh, yeah.

432
00:23:13,330 --> 00:23:16,340
Didn't think of that. No, you never
think of nothing, Sharon.

433
00:23:17,470 --> 00:23:19,640
No, we're never going to see that money
now.

434
00:23:20,510 --> 00:23:21,560
Not necessarily.

435
00:23:22,270 --> 00:23:23,430
I'm working well here.

436
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:28,569
Why don't we ask if we can take the car
for a test drive, run it round to one of

437
00:23:28,570 --> 00:23:30,370
them tyre places and do a quick swap?

438
00:23:30,371 --> 00:23:33,969
And you really think they're just going
to let someone get in that car and drive

439
00:23:33,970 --> 00:23:34,849
off with it?

440
00:23:34,850 --> 00:23:35,900
Well, you did.

441
00:23:37,270 --> 00:23:38,350
Stop, Sharon.

442
00:23:40,050 --> 00:23:41,250
Oh, better still.

443
00:23:42,110 --> 00:23:46,370
We take the Nissan up the gauge, say we
want to part exchange it for the Jag,

444
00:23:46,570 --> 00:23:49,330
sign an HP agreement for the balance,
drive it off.

445
00:23:49,810 --> 00:23:53,240
Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt and
your gran's in the Air Force.

446
00:23:53,310 --> 00:23:58,750
Sharon, that is the most brilliant idea
you've ever had.

447
00:24:04,669 --> 00:24:05,830
Good afternoon, madam.

448
00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:08,920
I want to buy the car of the week.
Tracy!

449
00:24:11,090 --> 00:24:12,950
You've got to be a bit cagey.

450
00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:16,830
Why? We might be able to knock them down
a couple of hundred on the price.

451
00:24:17,090 --> 00:24:18,140
Why bother?

452
00:24:18,230 --> 00:24:19,710
25 grand in the boot.

453
00:24:20,010 --> 00:24:21,690
Well, you don't know that, do you?

454
00:24:22,330 --> 00:24:25,750
We'd like to have a look at some of your
low -mileage XT6s, please.

455
00:24:26,350 --> 00:24:27,850
Including your car of the week.

456
00:24:27,851 --> 00:24:31,309
Certainly. All our motors come with a
full service history and a year's

457
00:24:31,310 --> 00:24:33,010
warranty. Parts and labour.

458
00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:34,300
That's good.

459
00:24:34,301 --> 00:24:35,749
It's good, isn't it, Cheryl?

460
00:24:35,750 --> 00:24:36,850
Oh, very good choice.

461
00:24:37,290 --> 00:24:40,530
So, tell us about your car of the week.
Amongst others.

462
00:24:40,990 --> 00:24:42,040
Right.

463
00:24:43,510 --> 00:24:47,000
Well, it's a very fine example, and
we're practically giving it away.

464
00:24:47,510 --> 00:24:50,100
Really? Give us the keys, then, and
we'll shoot off.

465
00:24:51,510 --> 00:24:54,520
Very good. No, I mean giving it away,
figuratively speaking.

466
00:24:54,970 --> 00:24:56,870
It's 3 ,000 under book price.

467
00:24:57,310 --> 00:24:59,780
Really? I can't. Sharon knows.

468
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,140
Well, strictly between us three.

469
00:25:02,540 --> 00:25:04,520
We're clearing it for a finance company.

470
00:25:04,521 --> 00:25:07,339
You see, it used to be owned by this
notorious bank robber.

471
00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:11,639
Nasty bit of work. He registered it in
the silly hours and never paid a single

472
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:15,179
instalment. It would never have been
recovered, only his bimbo wife goes and

473
00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:16,879
tries to sell it through a computer.

474
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,250
She has a direct line through to
Scotland Yard. Everyone knows that.

475
00:25:20,460 --> 00:25:21,720
Does everyone know that?

476
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:23,040
I didn't know that.

477
00:25:23,340 --> 00:25:24,660
Did you know that, Tracey?

478
00:25:24,820 --> 00:25:26,960
If I did, it must have slipped my mind.

479
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:32,559
Look, let's cut the waffle, eh? I've got
a 1989 Nissan Sunny Coupe, 13 ,000

480
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,240
miles. One angry lady owner.

481
00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:35,879
What are you giving me against the Jag?

482
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,650
Tracey, how can you think about sex at a
time like this?

483
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:42,880
I'll just go and check with the manager.

484
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:49,540
The light's locked.

485
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,010
It don't matter.

486
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:52,460
I think we pulled it off.

487
00:26:08,181 --> 00:26:10,229
taking that car?

488
00:26:10,230 --> 00:26:12,430
To the workshop for a pre -delivery
check.

489
00:26:12,431 --> 00:26:15,069
Oh, that's all right. I don't want it
delivered. I'll take it with me now.

490
00:26:15,070 --> 00:26:18,009
No, I'm afraid you don't understand. You
see, since we've been standing here

491
00:26:18,010 --> 00:26:21,140
talking, someone's phoned up and bought
the car sight unseen.

492
00:26:21,950 --> 00:26:23,000
You what?

493
00:26:23,310 --> 00:26:27,729
I don't believe it. But we do have an
almost identical car on the forecourt

494
00:26:27,730 --> 00:26:30,149
there. Now, I'm sure we can come to some
arrangement.

495
00:26:30,150 --> 00:26:33,170
You know where you can arrange your
almost identical car?

496
00:26:33,590 --> 00:26:35,230
What? I'll give you a clue.

497
00:26:35,900 --> 00:26:38,730
Takes a hell of a lot of industrial
lubricant to get it in.

498
00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:43,440
And a highly skilled medical team to get
it out again.

499
00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:48,860
Take it easy, you said.

500
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,260
Don't be too hasty, you said.

501
00:26:51,261 --> 00:26:55,039
If we'd just gone straight in and done
the deal, we'd have 25 grand spread out

502
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,540
on that coffee table right now.

503
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,140
Oh, give it a rest, Trace.

504
00:26:58,141 --> 00:27:02,079
Look, if it hadn't been for my brilliant
idea, we'd never even have been in with

505
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:03,130
a chance.

506
00:27:15,381 --> 00:27:17,449
come at a bad time.

507
00:27:17,450 --> 00:27:19,730
Oh, even the good times are bad, Dorian.

508
00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:23,660
Oh, what's the matter? Oh, you know
what's the matter. The car's the matter.

509
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:25,890
Look, Tracy, I can explain.

510
00:27:25,891 --> 00:27:27,429
Explain what?

511
00:27:27,430 --> 00:27:30,909
I didn't do it to upset you or annoy you
or spite you. It was just such an

512
00:27:30,910 --> 00:27:32,849
incredible bargain, I couldn't resist
it.

513
00:27:32,850 --> 00:27:36,569
What are you rabbiting on about, Dorian?
Well, I was driving past Merritt's, you

514
00:27:36,570 --> 00:27:39,189
know, the Jaguar dealer, and what should
I see in the window but your Daryl's

515
00:27:39,190 --> 00:27:40,270
car, car of the week?

516
00:27:40,271 --> 00:27:42,999
So I phoned Marcus on the car phone. He
called them.

517
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,339
And when we found out it was an HP
repossession, we thought we must buy it

518
00:27:46,340 --> 00:27:50,130
before all of Tidwell found out you
couldn't afford to keep up the payments.

519
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:52,180
I'm trying to say I did you a favour.

520
00:28:36,231 --> 00:28:43,639
The girls are getting environmentally
friendly next on Paramount Comedy 2 in

521
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,140
more Birds of a Feather.

522
00:28:45,190 --> 00:28:49,740
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